The One That Got Away

When you leave this town, will we still talk? Will we ever see each other again? Will we pick up where we left off or pretend like we've never met each other? You say that everything will be alright, but how can I be sure? How can I believe you after all of these times that you've pushed me down? How can I believe you after you've torn me apart? I can't. And that's what scares me. I'm so scared of the future and all that it'll bring. But this is life, and life stops for no one.

I wish this picture turned out better than it did. It was overcast that day so the colors aren't too great. I might mess around with it later to try to make it better. But the inspiration for this was seeing all of the leaves turn to orange and red and begin to fall. It's autumn's high point right now meaning that it's extra beautiful around here. But soon, the leaves will all be gone, and winter will start. I'm not sure I'm ready for winter coldness. It's already 30-40 degrees around here.

And I'm sorry for taking so long to post again. I planned on making a post sometime this past week, but I've been super busy and exhausted. Plus, I'm too lazy to move my pictures from my camera to my computer which is why this post will ignore the things that happened last week (i.e. my friend's surprise party, my trip to the city, my tennis banquet, etc.). But I'll make a post on those soon, I swear!

On a different note, school is horrifying. The first quarter ended the other day, and I never want to go back there. My grades were terrible compared to last year's. But I know I can still try to bring them up this quarter. I. Will. Do. This.

Anyhow, Thanksgiving's on Thursday! I'm so excited that the days seem to go by even slower than they did before. Thanksgiving's a time of happiness, family, love, friends, food, shopping (Black Friday!), and so much more. I can't wait to sit down and have an amazing Thanksgiving dinner then stay up late/wake up early to go Black Friday shopping. :) If you live in America, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? And if you don't, do you wish you celebrated Thanksgiving?

Alright, well I need to go study! SAT IIs are coming closer, and I haven't even started studying yet. :(
And if I don't come on here before Thursday, I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. <3

11/11/11

Even though it's 11/11/11, we shouldn't be too caught up in all of its glory. What we don't realize is that each day won't occur again for another 100 years, not only special days like 11/11/11. We can't ever get back yesterday, and soon enough, today will be just a memory, too. But the important thing is to just remember to take each day and life it to its fullest. Take a risk, go on an adventure, stay up until 4AM watching videos when you have school the next day. Do all of it, and think of more. Simply live, enjoy, and sit back for the ride.

Happy 11/11/11! I've been waiting for this day for over three years, and now that it's here, I'm not exactly sure what to think. I adored writing the date today on all of my papers--the unity of the numbers made me smile, for really no particular reason. But me being the superstitious person that I am, stared down the clock endlessly until it struck 11:11:11AM while in physics class. As soon as it did, I gave a little smile and made my wish. I hope it comes true. I really hope it does.

I want to keep this post short as I have pictures and a whole rant to write, but I want to keep it for the end of the weekend/early next week. I think it'll ruin the mood now, and I have a friend's surprise party tomorrow and a tennis banquet on Sunday, so the post should be more interesting than most of my posts here now. But basically to sum it all up, junior year is tiring. The end of the first quarter was today, and let me tell you, this is not exactly how I wanted to finish, grade-wise that is. But I'm promising myself that I'll try harder, so I hope things work out in the end. And other than that, I bought a few new things that I want to share. But I'll save all of that for later. (As a spoiler, I bought two beautiful, beautiful books today. I'm $30 less rich, but it was so worth it. I can't wait to read them.)

I hope you all had an amazing 11/11/11. :)
Have a wonderful weekend!

Haikus and Halloween

I scare myself sometimes with my thoughts. I think of such unhappy things that I start getting the chills and feel the need to just sit down and take some time to cry. The unpleasantness that my mind undergoes affects my entire soul, filling my eyes with hate instead of love and fear instead of strength. I wish that these times would go away. I wish that I could wake up and realize that all of this was just a dream. All of this pain, this sorrow, this difficulty, all of it was made up. I wish that I could just find my way out of this nightmare, for the nights are beautiful, but the mornings lead the way.

I am so into writing haikus lately. I feel my mind thinking and breathing in a 5-7-5 meter. You probably think it's weird, but it makes me happy, for some odd reason. I used to hate writing haikus because of all of the restrictions, and now I feel like it's a sort of puzzle, testing my abilities to manipulate words and meanings into such a small margin. About the picture above though, please excuse it. First off, I'd like to move "broken chains fall down" up to the top of the haiku, and then this was all just a really quick test to see how it'd look like if I were to scan in some images. My scanner's not yet connected to my computer though.

So this past Monday was Halloween! (It's literally felt like ages ago, no joke.) I was super lame and dressed up as what I did last year, but to tell you the truth, I wasn't even planning on going trick-or-treating until a few hours before I left. I ended up being an M&M. :) I only went with Emily because everyone else ditched us. Yes, long story short, our group of 8 became 2 in a matter of 30 minutes. So cool.

But it's okay because we were out for a few hours and had a lovely bonding experience. Just kidding, it was actually freezing outside and our hands were about to fall off from the cold. But overall, it was really fun.

I also got some UNICEF money so that made me happy. :) Basically every year, I go trick-or-treating, and while I go, I ask if people want to donate to UNICEF. All the money goes to charity which is really nice. :)

Other than that, the rest of the week slowly tore me apart, piece by piece. I found myself staying up late again, and this morning, I took the SATs. If you don't live in America, the SATs is this test that basically tests your knowledge. It's basically essential at this day and age to take the SATs if you want to get into college. If not the SATs, then the ACTs, though the SATs are more national. Just an FYI, the SATs take 4+ hours to finish. So by the time I was finally done the 10th section, I wanted to scream with joy. Such an amazing feeling when you put your pencil down after that final question. :') Too bad I'll most likely be retaking them in January or March. Fml.

But I have so much homework to do that I haven't already done yet. Tomorrow's going to be brutal, but I'm sure that I'll somehow manage to get through it (AKA I'll stay up until 3-4 to finish everything). In the mean time, I'm extremely exhausted and worn out from this whole week, so I'll leave this at that.

Have an amazing rest of the weekend!

Don't forget to turn your clocks back tomorrow morning. :)

Homecoming

As much as I want to leave this little town, I'm apprehensive. I feel like I'll miss waking up to the hum of a lawn mower. I feel like I'll miss the runs around the neighborhoods. But at the same time, I want to live in a place where I can stop by a few thrift stores on my way home or eat at a little creperie with my friends. I want to walk the streets filled with bustling people, each with his/her own story. I want to have the wind from the sea push my hair back while the sound of gulls' laughter and children's shrieks fill the air. I know that even if I end up somewhere far, far away, that this place will always be my home whether I like it or not. This little town, the shadows of places like New York City and Las Vegas, this little town will always be a part of me whether I'm here or not.

(Just as a heads up, this post will be extremely long. So much has gone on these past few days, and I've finally opened up some memory on my computer for my pictures from back in August.)

So this past week was spirit week. I explained it in one of my earlier posts, so I'll spare you from repeating myself. But it's basically one of the best weeks of school of the entire year. It's a shame that it's over already and we still have 7 months of school left before summer.

Every day during spirit week is a new theme!

 

Those were the five days! Friday was hat day, Monday was dress up day, Tuesday was Hawaiian day, Wednesday was inservice (no school!), Thursday was pajama day, and Friday was class color day.

The class colors are black for seniors, white for juniors, blue for sophomores, and red for freshmen. And each grade has to come up with an original theme that fits their class color! This year, seniors were end of the world (because they're class of 2012), juniors were milk, sophomores were Facebook, and freshmen were human/student body.

My class (2013/juniors) is pretty spirited. We came in 2nd both freshmen and sophomore year, which is a major accomplishment. This year, we tried beating the seniors once and for all! So essentially this year's spirit week was just a major battle between the junior and senior classes.

(These new two photos are Christina's. Please check her blog out! She's amazing and adorable.)

(C) Christina.

Throughout the first four days of the week, we take part in bringing in as many soda tabs, pennies, dimes, nickels, dollars, and cans as we can. The class with the most cans at the end of each day wins a certain number of points, and the other classes win points as well, just not as many. At the end of the week, the soda tabs and pennies are counted. The class with the most pennies gets a bonus, and then the class with the most points remaining wins the most points. (For the penny jar, other classes can put in other coins/dollars to try to subtract points!) In the end, we were putting $20 bills in each other's jars. We, the junior class, ended up coming 2nd in the penny/soda tab competition even though we had over $70 in pennies.

Then on Friday, everyone tries to bring as many quarters as they can to try to get the most time for foul shooting during the pep rally! We came in 2nd for that as well.

But throughout the whole week/a few weeks in advance, 10-20 of us stayed after school to help out with hallway decorating! The hallway has to deal with the class's theme, and a skit must go along with it. On Friday morning at around 6AM, the skits were presented. I wasn't in the skit, but I arrived at school before 6 to do some last minute helping out. The hallways are probably my favorite part of the whole week because of how well they turn out in the end.

Part of our skit!

I drew the cardinal! It looks so disproportionate though, but I couldn't be bothered to fix it at the time. The main thing I worked on for the week looks amazing, but I'm not posting a picture because it shows my school name on it. But take my word for it, it looks good. :)

After our skit was over, a bunch of us ran over to the sophomore's hallway to take a look/listen to their skit.

A very blurry senior class! These are just the seniors that came early to help on Friday. If you're wondering why some of the girls are dressed so interestingly, it's because on the Friday of spirit week, the senior girls dress up for "senior slut day." What bothered me was that the sophomore girls tried doing the same thing, but it's tradition that only the seniors do it.

The freshmen's alcove/hallway!

The school day was also really laid back and relaxing. I only learned in 2 of my 7 classes which is a pretty good deal, if you ask me. The picture on the right is Cory standing on a table in French class. Don't ask me why, haha. But in French, this kid from France came in, and we all started just asking him questions. HIS VOICE/ACCENT WAS GODLY. I wish I could speak French that well.

Kim/me/Berenice in English class. :)

Then in chemistry class, Emily and I spent the entire time staring at the clock, waiting for the pep rally to finally arrive. We started freaking out when we heard the marching band play through the halls. :)

The pep rally was my favorite part of the week. :) The juniors/seniors tried to out-cheer each other the entire time, which was just really fun. The male cheerleaders weren't as good as last year (hahaha), but it was still extremely interesting. When I got home, my throat felt sore from screaming/cheering so much. We ended up coming in 2nd place overall, but we still think it's rigged. THAT'S OKAY because next year we're going to dominate! AND we came in 1st place for hallway decorating which is really incredible because that's typically a senior-win. :)

Then on Friday night, it was our homecoming football game! I didn't go because I wasn't feeling very well/I didn't plan it with people, but it was against our school rivals. And basically if we won, we were going into the playoffs, and if we lost, we would be done for the year. And we won, 17-10! :)

Yesterday (October 29th), I woke up to a scene of...snow! It's only October, but for some reason, we experienced our first snowfall of the season! It was all so beautiful. (Currently there's still snow on the ground, but it's melting.) Please excuse the quality of these photos. I didn't dare go outside so these were all take through a window/screen. Sorry!

We ended up getting around 3-4 inches of snow, which is a lot for December, let alone October! Normally our biggest snowstorms here come in January. But I ended up losing power at around 2PM yesterday. I was actually dying of boredom at one point there. There was no Internet, no TV, no lights, and no HEAT. By 5PM, I was already freezing cold which resorted to many many layers. I ended up doing some calculus homework by the candlelight, and in the middle of a problem, the lights flickered back on, thank god.

And because of the snow, our homecoming dance, coronation ball, was rescheduled for today. I wasn't planning on going, but tons of people were upset about the change since it's a Sunday. I hope that everyone who was planning on going has a beautiful time. In the mean time...tonight IS mischief night...just kidding. :)

I'll be sitting at home trying to finish as much of my work as I can so tomorrow night I won't have too much homework. I'm so excited for Halloween, except I don't know what I'll dress up as yet!

Have a great weekend everyone, and happy almost Halloween!

Broken

It feels almost as if the pieces of me have shattered with no way to put them back together. I feel so broken inside; I feel as if every time I think something's going right, it falls apart the next day. Each time I think I'm rising out of this dangerous stage of life, it just gets worse. I can't take this. I can't take this.

And as sweet as everyone is to tell me, "It'll get better over time," I'm so sick of hearing it. It's easy to say that things will get better, I know that. Trust me, I've been leaving people messages everywhere telling them that the storm will pass, that better times are near. But I just want someone who's suffered, who's experienced this pain, to talk to. I want he or she to explain this suffering, this piercing of the heart. I want someone who's come out of the abyss to tell me that there's always hope. Because I know there is, but I don't know how to endure through this. I've never had to undergo something so painful before.

All I'm looking for is somebody that can be there with me while I sail through this storm.

These broken pieces,
These tears streaming down my face,
Inadequacy.

Life in Technicolor

As much as we hate admitting this, we need pain to survive. Where would we be without it? We'd be soulless creatures living in this big, vast world. The problem I see with so-called "utopias" is that we wouldn't know what true happiness felt like. Through all of these fights, these wars, these heartbreaks, these misfortunes, these losses, these hardships, we become better people. We learn through our suffering, and in the end, we're stronger. This pain that we hate so much, this pain that makes our insides twist and turn, this pain that pierces a hole in our hearts, it's what keeps us going.
                Pathei mathos. "With suffering comes wisdom."

I apologize for 1) not posting for a few weeks and 2) not having new pictures. This photo is indeed a scrap of my last "photoshoot" (if you will), but I'm still contemplating uploading it elsewhere. I've taken maybe 3-4 new pictures ever since this, but I'll upload them when I find the time.

I have so many things to say that I barely know where to start.

Well I guess first off, junior year is a pain. I find myself struggling in so many classes that it stresses me out. Physics will certainly be the death of me this year, but I think I'll somehow find my way out of this storm. We took a test yesterday on a subject that was somewhat straightforward, only for the exam to be difficult and disappointing.

Secondly, yesterday was the start of spirit week! If you don't live in America, spirit week is the week leading up to the homecoming football game/homecoming dance. (It's essentially that time of year that's brutally overused in movies and books.) We, the junior class, are attempting to win this year once and for all. As freshmen and sophomores we finished 2nd, almost (or as I still believe, we actually did) beating the seniors. I hope we can pull through with everything. But yesterday was hat day! It was tons of fun seeing everyone wear their special hats, etc. All the teachers looked different/informal with theirs. I don't know. But I'm really excited for this upcoming week, needless to say. Monday will be dress up day, Tuesday is Hawaiian day, Wednesday we have off from school, Thursday is pajama day, and Friday is class color day. Beware, I'll be posting tons of pictures next weekend. :)

Other than that, I've been shopping quite a bit lately. It scares me almost to see how much money I've spent. This weekend I bought 3 pairs of shoes. I was going to take pictures of them, but I didn't get the chance to, so maybe later! I bought a pair of brown (short top) boots, a pair of gray high top Converse, and a pair of black combat boots. Both pairs of boots can be worn two different ways (flipping over the top vs. not). I think before spring I'll buy another pair of Converse that aren't high tops. I like my non-high top Converse, but they're breaking, and I really wanted to have a pair of high tops. (Does this make any sense? Sorry, I'm rambling.)

Okay, I shall go now and study for the SATs/do my truck load of homework/study. Bye!

(P.S.- I really suggest you listen to Coldplay's songs. I wasn't too big of a fan up until now, but some of their songs are simply beautiful like the one featured in the title of this post.)

Fix You

It's this constant pain inside of me that makes me think twice about the people of this world. Who wants to hurt me? Who wants to help me? These days, I'm losing touch with everything--my family, my friends, my hobbies, my interests. I can't think straight, I can't see clearly. I'm so lost in this big, beautiful world with no one to guide me. I just want someone to lean on, someone to tell me that everything will be okay. Instead, I'm trekking this vast beauty with only hope by my side.

Rest in peace, Steve Jobs. <3 You will truly be missed. You show this world what it's like to be a beautiful, selfless person with an innovative and creative mind. I look up to you for all that you've been through and all that you've brought to society. You've managed to change this world while battling yourself, and if that doesn't exemplify a true hero, then what does?

I took that picture (quite obviously) a week ago. It's of my white iPhone 4, and I was just messing around with my dSLR and decided to take a picture of whatever I had in my hand. I kind of like the bokeh that came through in the background. But yes, it's a white phone, the lighting's just so bad that it looks black. I decided to put this picture in this post, even though I was going to scrap it, because of Steve Jobs' death. </3

Other than that, school's been a train-wreck. I find myself doing poorly on tests yet staying up until 2AM on a daily basis. I don't know what else to do other than sacrifice more of my time for work. I can't wait until this year is over, but it scares me to think about being a senior. I'm not ready to leave this place even though my mind is constantly wandering this earth.

On a different note, the title of this post is a song by Coldplay. I'm not a big fan of their music, to be honest. But of the whole X&Y album, this song caught my eye. It's the only Coldplay song, along with Viva La Vida, that's on my iPod, even though I have two of their albums. But I really enjoy "Clocks" as well, but I don't have my hands on it yet.

I apologize, but I'm out of pictures. So my blog will be somewhat inactive until I find the time to take more, sorry! But about the sweet sixteen I went to (as I promised I would blog about it), it ended up being formal, so I was glad that I dressed up at the very last second.

(These next few pictures were taken by Samantha. She's the person that hosted the party, along with her twin Stefani! I didn't bring my camera, so I just took some of her pictures to show you guys.)

The party was tons of fun, and I had a great time. We ate so, so much sushi, and I was stuffed by the end of the night! I also found out that there are these things called "Fun Chop" that you put on your chopsticks to help people use them better. I am still amused by them because I've just never seen them before.

With this note, I should go start homework as it's nearly 8PM. Tomorrow's Friday though which finally means a weekend full of relaxation and sleep studying for the PSATs/SATs and doing homework.

Always

I want this so badly, but I know it won't happen. That's life for you--you want one thing to happen, only for another thing to tumble down and ruin your perfectly laid out architecture of plans. Everything's about timing, and that's what makes life so invigorating, so interesting: you never know what's to come. It's like someone somewhere is watching you live your life, and they know the outcome but you don't. It's like you're stuck in a movie, but you're unsure of how the movie ends. But there's always a happy ending somewhere there. Always.

Happy 4-day weekend everyone! Thank goodness for Rosh Hashanah. ♡
Because of the long weekend, I had today (Thursday) off and have tomorrow off as well. (I realize that it's technically Friday, but it's not tomorrow until I fall asleep. ;D)

I had a rough beginning of the week. Most of my teachers decided it was a good idea to pile tests/projects/essays in the three days of school that we had. (And the teachers that didn't put them after the break. Yay!) I went to sleep at 2AM every night. ;~; And since I wake up at 6AM for school, I was absolutely exhausted by the end of the day on Wednesday.

Wednesday was also the last day to drop/add a class, and I feel like I might regret not dropping either physics or euro. We had our first physics test on Wednesday, and man, I failed. Towards the end of it, I just wrote down a bunch of numbers and hoped they had something to do with the problem. It wasn't so much that I didn't know how to do it, it was more that there wasn't nearly enough time to finish. ;~; Of course all the guys in my class finished with time to spare.

Other than that, I'm just meandering my way around these days. I did a little bit of work today, but mainly spent some time taking some new pictures (can you guys tell? :D). I brought out my violin that I haven't touched in so, so long, and decided to feature it in my photos, too. I should play again sometime soon. I need music in my life again.
Unfortunately, the weather was not ideal for taking photos so all of my pictures are really dark, but I kind of like it.

I also got the privilege to listen to Blink-182's new album today. It is SO amazing. I can't believe how good they still are, even 8 years later. The title of this post features one of their old songs "Always." But out of their new album, my favorite songs are "Wishing Well," "After Midnight," and "Natives." :)

Tomorrow I shall do tons of PSAT/World Lit. work. :) I also have no idea what to wear to my friends' sweet sixteen dinner. I'm not entirely sure if it's formal or not, but I'd find it awkward if I were wearing something casual in a formal situation or vice versa. And I need to find them presents, but I have no ideas in mind at all. D; On the bright side, it'll be a nice way to relax/it's at a Japanese restaurant so that means sushi! :D

I was planning on wearing this shirt, but I'm not sure yet. I'll let you all know how it goes Saturday after I get back/Sunday.
In the mean time, I'm going to stay up a bit later and then go to sleep!

Goodnight everyone! Have a great week/weekend. :)
(And l'shana tova to all of those celebrating Rosh Hashanah!)

Thinking of You

Have you ever felt so alone that you feel like you're suffocating? You feel so numb, so lost, so confused. The pain that everyone else brings lingers in your soul, and you're just left with putting on your mask and faking a smile. But when's the right time to finally say you've had enough? When's the right time to start breathing again, to start feeling again? When?

I miss the pearly keys of the piano. I don't have any time to dabble around on it anymore.

Hi everyone. :) Hopefully you're all having a great school year thus far. I'm doing fairly well in all of my classes except 1. (I will constantly feel the need to rant about this one class/my grade in this class, so yell at me if you get bored of reading it through the posts to come.)

Anyway, not much has happened, really. I'm still in the junior year slump, and I still feel a bit lost and confused. But I'm sure with time everything will get better.

Well in school, we've been testing out a block schedule. It's pretty nice at times, but at others, it's horrible. I just like how we can sign up for other classes in the "enhancement period" so I can technically possibly learn Italian this year, which I think is extremely cool. This time for the enhancement period, I went to club fair because I'm an officer of Soph. Strings. If you don't know, club fair is where all of the clubs have a booth and try to get freshmen to join! I really enjoyed seeing everyone there, not so much the freshmen, but my other upperclassmen friends. While I was there, I was harassed by some of my friends in Newspaper to join, which I found quite entertaining, for reasons I don't even know myself.

Other than that, I got my class ring yesterday! I think it looks really pretty, but I didn't take a picture of it from the aerial view only because my school's name would also be featured, and I don't want that. (Paranoia, sorry.) It says "13" on the side because that's the year I will be graduating in. On the opposite side, it says "20," so yeah. (2013!) The stone up top is my birthstone, peridot. It's a light green color!

And a little side note, have you guys noticed the NEW pictures!? Haha. :) I haven't fixed my computer memory, but I deleted a big file to make way for some new photos. I promise I'll make room for ALL of my photos soon (I have many!), but possibly not until November. :( Junior year is too busy for me to take the time to do all of that, so I'll be waiting until after the PSATs/SATs. I hope you understand.

Now for an outfit of the day, which I don't normally do, but it features a present my friend got for me on my sixteenth birthday. :) It's a knit top from Forever 21, but I'm really not sure how to properly wear it.

Excuse my tan lines and mosquito bites. Even though it's officially autumn (as of yesterday!), summer is still latent.

I think I should do some work before the day's over! I have tons of tests and papers to write for school. On the bright side, it'll be a short week and a long weekend. :) (3 day week, 4 day weekend!)
Thank goodness for holidays.

Wishlist

Hey everyone! I really shouldn't be blogging--I have tons of homework still left to do, but my mind is wandering, so I figure I wanted to sort out a current wishlist I had in mind. The picture above features some chocolate covered strawberries I made back for the 2011 new year. (I am that desperate for photos.) Chocolate covered strawberries are really easy to make, and they taste really good. If you're curious, maybe I'll post something on it later. :)

But here is a small wishlist of random items that I've been eyeing:

• Feather clip in extension
• Nerd glasses
• New actual, prescription-ed glasses
• Flying bird wall decal
• Toms
• Photoshop
• Flip video camera
• Mac book
• Guitar
• Dream catcher
• Vinyl records
• Poloroid camera
• Oil paints/canvases
• And tons of warm clothes for winter

There's more. But listing all of these already made me somewhat depressed with the fact that I can't get any of these. T-T.

I need a job. I saw this opening at American Eagle, one of my favorite stores, and I couldn't apply, even though this was shortly after my 16th birthday. I realized that right now I have absolutely no time at all, so I can't get a job yet. ><. Maybe over the summer I can try or senior year.

Okay. Now back to my chem lab/euro homework/English essay. D;